Stop Gaslighting Yourself: How to Listen to Your Energy Before You Crash

Ever found yourself repeating "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm okay" like it's your personal mantra—when deep down you feel like you're mentally spiraling, emotionally maxed out, and physically wiped?

Yeah. That.

This post is for every midlife woman who's ever dismissed her own exhaustion as "just stress" or blamed herself for being "lazy." It's for the woman who minimizes her symptoms, doubts her needs, and invalidates her own experience. Sound familiar?

Spoiler alert: That's not discipline. That's not resilience. That's gaslighting. And the worst part? You're doing it to yourself.

Today, we're calling it out. We're naming the cycle. And we're walking through how to actually stop self-gaslighting and start listening to the signs your body—and your energy—has been giving you all along.

SCENARIO: THE INNER "I'M FINE" SPIRAL

It’s 2:45 PM.

You're in the carpool line, eyelids heavy. You skipped lunch (again). You're running on coffee and adrenaline, and that tension headache behind your eyes is slowly turning the volume up. Mentally? You’re foggy. Emotionally? Numb. Physically? Running on fumes.

But instead of honoring those yellow-zone warning signs, you override them:

• "I’m just being dramatic."

• "Other people have it harder."

• "I'll rest after dinner."

• "Maybe I’m just being lazy today."

Sound familiar?

These aren’t just throwaway thoughts. This is the internal script of a woman who's been trained to ignore her own needs—and it’s draining your energy more than any to-do list ever could.

BREAKING IT DOWN

Let’s call it what it is:

Self-gaslighting = minimizing, dismissing, or invalidating your own experience.

You tell yourself you’re overreacting. That it’s not that bad. That you just need to "push through."

Here’s the reality:

• That foggy brain? Not imaginary.

• That tight chest or shaky hands? Not you being weak.

• That bone-deep fatigue? Not laziness.

It’s your body in a yellow zone—giving you a heads-up before you slide into a full-blown crash. And when you override those cues, it doesn’t make you stronger. It just delays the inevitable.

ENERGY ZONES 101

Let’s back up.

If you’re new here, I'm diving in a lot about energy zones:

• Green Zone: Clear-headed, energized, grounded. This is your go-mode.

• Yellow Zone: Foggy, irritable, off. Warning lights flashing.

• Red Zone: Crashed. Snappy, emotional, depleted.

The goal isn’t to live in green all the time. (Spoiler: No one does.)

The goal is to recognize when you’re slipping into yellow, so you can make a micro-adjustment before things go off the rails.

That tension headache in the carpool line? Yellow zone. That impulse to nap at 10 AM even though you just got up? Yellow zone. That moment you stare at a frozen chicken for 12 minutes because you can’t remember why you opened the freezer? Yellow. Zone.

THE REAL REASON YOU'RE IGNORING YOUR SIGNALS

Let’s get honest.

As midlife women, we’ve been trained to:

• Put everyone else’s needs before our own

• Apologize for having feelings

• Downplay pain, stress, and even joy so we don’t "rock the boat"

Then add perimenopause to the mix—hormonal shifts that mess with your mood, energy regulation, sleep, and cognitive function—and suddenly you don’t even recognize the version of yourself staring back at you.

But you keep pushing through. Because that’s what you’ve always done.

Until one day you’re crying in the Target parking lot because they were out of your favorite deodorant, and that was the final straw.

It doesn’t have to get that far.

HOW TO STOP THE SPIRAL

Here’s how we stop gaslighting ourselves and start responding instead of reacting.

We use my SMASH Framework.

S - Set the Intention: “I will notice how I speak to myself when I’m tired or overwhelmed."

M - Make it Measurable: Keep a note in your phone. Every time you say "I'm fine" but feel otherwise? Jot it down. Where are you? What’s happening? What did you eat? Patterns will appear.

A - Automate + Take Action: Use the Energy Tune-Up Tracker to log what’s draining you and what might actually help. (It’s free, and it’s designed exactly for this kind of energy audit.)

S - Self-Reinforcement: Celebrate every time you listen to your body and act on it. That nap? That canceled meeting? That skipped Zoom call? Those are wins, not weaknesses.

H - Habit Stacking: Add a one-minute body/mind check-in while brushing your teeth. Ask yourself, "What do I actually need today?" Then take one small step toward it.

MINI ASSIGNMENT: CATCH THE VOICE

Try this today:

Every time you think or say something like "I'm fine," stop. Ask:

• What am I actually feeling?

• Would I say this to my best friend?

• What would compassion sound like right now?

That pause? That’s the start of everything shifting.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T LISTEN

Let’s be real—you already know what happens when you ignore the yellow zone.

• You snap at your kids for asking a simple question.

• You crash into bed at 7:30 PM, headache raging, guilt spiraling.

• You forget things, fall behind, and feel like you’re failing at everything.

You are not failing. You’re just running on fumes.

And your body has been trying to tell you that for weeks.

ENERGY TUNE-UP TRACKER: YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND

If you don’t know where to start, start here:

Grab the Energy Tune-Up Tracker.

It’s totally free. And it helps you track five foundational energy-drainers (and boosters) so you can:

• Spot your yellow zone patterns

• Identify what actually helps you feel better

• Make micro-adjustments without guilt or overwhelm

Think of it as your permission slip to stop pretending you’re fine and start actually feeling better.

START SMALL, LISTEN LOUD

You don’t need another planner, another diet, or another supplement.

You need to listen.

You need to trust your yellow-zone signals before they become red-zone sirens.

You need to treat yourself like someone you actually like.

And if that feels like a big leap? Cool. Start with the next whisper your body gives you and honor it.

That’s the work.

That’s the power.

That’s the whole damn point.

YOUR HOMEWORK

So here’s what I want you to do:

Go grab the Energy Tune-Up Tracker right now at https://www.melissahinman.com/tuneup.

Use it to start mapping your own energy zones.

Then shoot me a DM on Instagram @itsmelissahinman and tell me what you’re noticing.

Let’s stop gaslighting ourselves. Let’s start listening. Let’s finally feel better—on our own terms.

You ready?

Let’s do this.